im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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