I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
