either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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