I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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