a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
