using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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