i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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