need another drink. this is the easiest way
someone owes me an orgasm
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
