where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I party with great urgency now.
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