the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
