I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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