Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
