It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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