just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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