Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
