I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize