i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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