he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
