Bisexual people are plain selfish.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
you made out with another girl for some wings
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
