my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Text me some of your sweat
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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