So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
