Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
