oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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