1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
