I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
