Taylor Swift is so right about you.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
