I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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