Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am one with the molecules
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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