Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize