i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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