We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
