eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
