did you get engaged???
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
