What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
