He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize