dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We need to feng shui this bitch.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
