Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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