I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize