I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
