marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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