i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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