woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize