I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
