hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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