I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
