Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
