i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
