So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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