Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You don't make any sense
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