Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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