She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
organizing the empties. That sober.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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