i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
