he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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