I wish I could punch you in the face.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize