Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize