If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
