No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
