what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize