Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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