i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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