I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
