I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
