i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
