maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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