I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
