Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
