Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
