Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
