I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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